Sexual health -The Sex and the City ladies were feisty, gutsy. Our friends had many friends … Friends. Thirty years ago, was our mentor, Mary Tyler Moore. In the 1960s, was our guru Helen Gurley Brown, with its liberating book Sex and the Single Girl.
Women are better with rest? Marriage is no panacea for happiness, some say.
But medical studies show the opposite – that married people are happier and healthier than single women. The pressure to marry is even greater than ever, Bella DePaulo M. says social psychologist at the University of California, Santa Barbara, and author of the book chosen.
"It’s an old message that you are better off if you’re a man," DePaulo tells us. "It is this idea that you be single, you have great career and all your friends, but that’s not the way to happiness is there, AOS is not deep or meaningful as marriage. That is ridiculous. The best friendships last often longer than the marriages. .. You still have ridiculous expectations of your friends, as a husband. "
Yes, the old stereotypes are still alive and mopey.
"The stereotype that single women are promiscuous or have no or fraud," she says. "It’s like you’re married, all you have to roll to do, and perfect sex. Who reads the separation columns, white, that’s not true! Single women can now sex outside of marriage. He AOS probably picturesque not. Single women can have children without a man without sex! "
DePaulo’s favorite line: "Single women can pick up the check at work and the sperm at the bank."
Bullet Happiness?
Marriage is not a panacea for a wonderful life, "says DePaulo." But it has the appeal that you give them and everything is in place. But if you want to contact a person anything, it’s not fair to that person, not being honest with you, and it is not healthy. And if the marriage does, AOT last, it’s devastating. "
One study followed 1000 couples 15 years ago that marriage brought only a "minor blip" of happiness in the short time that is closest to the wedding. "But on average, then people go back to, as they were before. Scientific opinion is that we each have a base line of happiness, and marriage, on average, not to change that – apart from the minor blip" DePaulo said.
In fact, most married vs. single, "Happiness Studies" serious shortcomings, she adds. "They all clump together singles – divorced, widowed, always single – without factoring in the transition period, the really worrying time in your life says after divorce or widowed always," our. "After some time go back to the person you were before. But Don Studies, AOT note transitional period."
Here is an eye-opener: A survey was asked mothers what they most wanted as a Mother’s Day gift. "The overwhelming response was’ time to me. AO women the dream – marriage and children – will be the only time for themselves," says DePaulo.
It is no wonder that single women have large networks of friends. More and more women today are single than ever before, DePaulo notes. Climbing ‘The age at which people first marry for some time. The divorce statistics are still high. Women are less likely than men to marry again after divorce. Women live longer than men. There are more older women than men widowed.
Most women, by nature, friends pretty easily, "she says. Men have a harder time bonding with other guys.
"Men have a number of homophobia on Hanging out with another man, the tendency to" DePaulo said. "Things to women, such as hanging out with friends, men do not feel comfortable here. For men it’s not so easy to sit and a cup of coffee or a long, cozy dinner with another guy to have. It is an excuse the way a business lunch, our food for playing basketball. If people in real relationships with men, it would be different for them. "
Wives or girlfriends are generally of a man known. If this relationship is over, the emotional support often ends for him. For women, girlfriends, their best friends too. Even women, make new friends as they tend to make, it adds.
Not all sex and Roses
However, a single woman is not all roses and sex. You have all those bills, too – and you’re the only one they pay.
"A single woman is happy to some extent depends on whether they contribute financially … they do what they want," says Pepper Schwartz, Ph.D., professor of sociology, psychiatry, medicine and behavioral sciences at the University of Washington Seattle.
"In the past, many women in traditional marriage, because she had a difficult time financially on their own," says Schwartz. Au When a man found who lives well enough, they made life easier. For some women it is still the case. But now women can well-paying jobs that make a big difference for them. "
Some women, good friends, "says Schwartz." People have different talents, and surrounded themselves with friends they have not heard it all. A friend on a trip to film festivals, the mate, if you can drop nausea – all these people for a replacement. "
Single women should realize that "the architects of their own expansion," says Schwartz us. "Develop a wide range of interests – classes, volunteer work, travel plans, political commitment. What do you fight Aore that is home-alone syndrome. You will ensure that people will select from the daily maintenance. If you have a partner to help them interests to prolong your life. If you are a single parent, you must be logged to build "
Single Women & Pensions
Some single women on the road, when retirement comes. Living in an RV, traveling the country working for them in order.
But on their worst days, single women worried about age and die alone – or with only her cat at her side. "Do you think marriage heals?" DePaulo asks. "You and your husband will be the same moment for those who die do not happen to you if you get sick, do not assume your partner that you are breastfeeding. Maybe he’s just not a lot of your illness. Or he could with great physical problems, and that will enchant you. There are certainly cases in younger women to marry older men. When he fell ill, and she ends up caring for him. "
Women are more likely to be alone in old age because they encourage friendships. They are more people in their lives. Therefore, a sense of community is so important, she says.
"Most of us are happier with a sense of community within the larger, less friendly world," says DePaulo us. "Life is a little harder as we age. There are more opportunities for health, that would be unpleasant under any circumstances. You need to ensure that you are looking for someone behind you."
New Style Communities
"Coho use" is an answer. It is a form of life is like a 60-county, but yuppie-style. These developments are condo-style built around a "common area" with a kitchen, dining room, laundry, sports, and have children, AOS games. Coho with communities are often old-fashioned neighborhoods are similar. The members meet often to share meals, socializing, and dealing with the ordinary things of everyday life, even though they live in separate units.
"Intentional community" is an inclusive term for eco-villages, Cohousing, housing density trusts, communes, student co-ops, farms, urban housing cooperatives and other projects. Communities throughout the U.S. and Europe, whose growth can be found on the Internet encouraged. Typically, community members jointly own land, which has several apartments. Many members share a common bond – a religious, political or social philosophy that unites them.
Ethan Watters was single, in his 30s, living alone and in San Francisco when he concept of "Urban Tribes" is formed. Most people belong to at least one tribe, though not to do it. Vegetarian Food Group, a walking club or a current group may be regarded as an urban tribe, as they often enough, says Watters, author of the book "Urban Tribes.
"Urban Tribes form in a vacuum," Watters told us. not about our generation, the traditional social organizations of our parents, members of the churches and social groups. We do not believe in our jobs to stay so long. This does not result in a social vacuum, and the good people in a social vacuum. Something will fill. That’s what Thanksgiving dinner started as a stopgap measure, then 10 years later, we see these friends, our family. "
While Watters was out of his life in San Francisco, "My mother was a very prominent parallel lives. She was in her 70s, living completely in this group of friends, and she did everything a family would. She had a very full life, "he says. Retirees have long formed these communities. It is less than 65 people who are new to the concept, he says.
"Single women have helped provide the impetus for Urban Tribes," Watters told us. have "The key is the ritual potluck dinner Tuesday evening … can, so everyone to get together regularly. But you know that an urban tribe is a fleeting thing, it does leave. People, others come to you, AOS is a very informal contract with your friends. But there was never a sense of reciprocity. The point is really free. "
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