Sexual health – Men and women are programmed for promiscuity. But we differ in our desires.
Paradoxically, both men and women are programmed to mate for life. Both can be short or long term sexual strategies. What do men, but it differs from what women want.
Men and women are hard-wired for short term sex – but we must obey our brains?
The theory that men and women, sexual desire is hard-wired new. It is controversial for decades. Now is one of the key elements of evolutionary psychology, the theory that our sexual behavior evolved millennia and is encoded in our brains. We are not doomed to act out these programs.
But they do not shape our desires.
According to evolutionary psychology, men and women of all developed their own strategies for finding sexual partners. If that is true, you must have the same sexual desires of people to people everywhere. And the wishes of people around the world should be in the same manner from that of women. The same would apply to women.
Now there is new compelling evidence that this is so.
It comes from the International Sexuality Description Project, directed by David P. Schmitt, PhD, Bradley University, Peoria, Ill. The results of the project appears in the July 2003 issue of Journal of Personality and Social Psychology. The title sums it up: "Universal Sex Differences in the desire for sexual variety: Tests from 52 countries, 6 continents, and 13Islands. "
"Both men and women are programmed to display in a monogamous way and without distinction in a certain way," Schmitt tells us. "The main difference is the short-term mating strategies, or do the men and women being promiscuous."
Good Sex Partners against Numerous Sex Partners
"We’re not saying that men and women still opt for short-term strategies," says Schmitt. "As we speak, is that when they go for infidelity or promiscuity, aimed at men and women, many focused on quality."
What really annoys Schmitt is that many people interpret this result that women are designed to be faithful, but people are predestined to be promiscuous. That is not to show some proof. Instead, women and men fully equipped for a night life and relationships.
Schmitt and colleagues asked men and women around the world about what they wanted from the long term and short-term sexual relationships.
"What we found that when people opt for short-term mating, they strive for a greater number of partners than women," says Schmitt. "When women of a short-term mating, they are not large numbers. They are a little more subtle. You’re looking for people who are physically attractive male face. Women Seeking Men symmetrical, high in social dominance.
This does not mean that all women are short term mater. But if they decide to do that show they want. "
Another big difference: men are willing to say "yes" to sex much more quickly than women. They say they need a person only a relatively short time before the consent to sex know. Women want to know their potential partners, significantly longer for sex.
Another difference refers to the origin of the dumb-blonde stereotype: the minds of men.
"Men’s preferences for information on short-term mates reduces the balance," says Schmitt. "If you look at what people want in a short-term mating partners, a sexual partner as opposed to a spouse to move, they are below the average intelligence."
These various requirements to hold true regardless of whether women or men are married or unmarried, heterosexual or homosexual. And they are correct on six continents.
Other Options for Spouses
Schmitt findings also support the fundamental differences between men and women what they want in a marriage partner.
"These differences are not as evident as for the short term needs, but they are still very clear," says Schmitt. "Long term, youth and men prefer physical attractiveness, whereas women older men, intelligent and ambitious preference. Men prefer women who are intelligent, too, but not so much."
These differences should not surprise anyone, "says Helene. Fisher, PhD, professor of anthropology at Rutgers University, New Brunswick, NJ Fisher is the author of First Sex: The natural talents of women and how they are changing the world and Anatomy of Love: The Mysteries of Mating, Marriage, and Why We Stray, among other works.
"Why would they want to have in common? Men and women are very different creatures," Fisher told us.
Men, she says, though they seem to know and socially powerful, should attract a partner. And the women know what attracts people.
"The men really looking for youth and beauty in the short term – Women know," says Fisher. "You try young and beautiful. It is remarkable how the makeup and clothes always plays on the subject. Makeup makes her face clearly, larger eyes, the lips more baby red hair the color of the light sweet youth.’s Clothing, The things that show the straps and the waist-hip ratio, the tight jeans and shirts, the shape of the figure. Both sexes always know these things. "
The limits of pleasure
The people built their hopes and dreams for the relationship to incorporate strategies. But there is nothing wrong with knowing what words, what you want and go, says George Williams, PhD, an Atlanta-based marital and sex therapist.
"I help people become aware of their own desires," says Williams. "It is perfectly legitimate for the people what they do to be clear, and do not want a partner."
Williams and Fisher agrees with Schmitt that men and women have innate desires deeply wired into the brains. But he stressed the importance of other wiring brains – which we reason.
"Human Sexual" behavior has much to do with our ability to think and proposals, "said Williams." There are some primitive brains structures that work, but our sexual behavior is not seasonal or spread hormone driven – just as we do in the spring, just as the female in heat.
We can therefore use in our sex lives. "
Just because men and women are programmed for promiscuity not impossible – or unnaturally – to have faith, monogamous, long-term relationships.
"I tell people, their values of honor," says Williams. "If you honor and loyalty important to your relationship, it is a question of your own integrity, honor.
"And, as the Catholics say that the issue of the next opportunity to avoid the sin." Or, as my college roommate used to say: "God is a sexy woman in your path is to throw all six months." So no fan of coal, whose journey completed. Not fan the fire. "
Sex Cheating Defined
Adultery is not accidental. A member has a relationship to change strategies. Why?
"People leave their long-term strategy for a short term strategy, because men and women of the air," said Williams. "But things are very complex structures. It is always difficult and often dangerous. When people tell me they have an affair, think they have the most dangerous part is caught. I think the dangerous thing to fall in love. "
The least dangerous is it for one thing, he says, is the kind of one-night stands, on a meeting or a conference event, where people participate and never again. The most dangerous secret, long-standing issues, which over the years with fantasies and dreams and hopes for a relationship to build.
What makes it an affair? Williams believes he will answer surprises most people – and some women.
"I think that a relationship occurs when two people in a permanent relationship, and one or both had an affair with a secret that the content and the sexual tension and they hide all of their partner," he says.
"A common misconception among people," I’m not an affair, because I have not slept with another woman. "But they dream, they dream, they want the other person – that’s what I call fan the embers. "
The "other" Williams speaks of a friend or colleague – or a pornographic image.
"This is a common cause today I experienced. The participation of women in pornographic catchment something about the Internet," said Williams. "While the men it believes to be innocent of sexual excitement, women see it as a serious violation of the marriage. It is a secret sexual encounter,
them with excitement and ejaculation has ruled. This energy is of the relationship.
I encourage people to focus their sexuality to keep their partner. "
Programming with sex in your marriage, Fortunately, men and women hard-wired sexual desires used to help not harm their marriages. Unfortunately, Fisher says, few people use it.
"It is really remarkable, because we always know that you a good job, every day at work to keep your job. We know that we eat well and exercise regularly to maintain good health. But when it comes to marriage, for some reason we insist on the concept of "till death do us part," she says. "It is very harmful.
Even in relationships where people feel deeply obliged to one must work to keep his marriage together. "
Where does one begin? Fisher points to the brains. When people encounter something new – a new or potential sexual partners – the brains separates a chemical messenger dopamine. High levels of dopamine are associated with sexual arousal.
"I tell people, if you want your exciting long-term relationship, new things together," says Fisher. "It makes dopamine run. It can really help your libido."
What new things? Use your imagination.
"Oh, try new things in the bedroom, of course," Fisher laughs. "But it’s not all. People always to the same places for dinner. Go somewhere new for a dinner for the holidays. Wear something new in bed. Pick a new sport together to learn skiing. Go to new forms of theater and cinema. That is,
why people go on holiday. It creates tension.
It is a way of tricking the brains in a state of excitement and sexuality, a marriage can be maintained. "
As careless as it sounds, this opinion is not only a means for fun. Your marriage may depend." If people spent as much time with talking about what to do in bed on Saturday morning when they switched on when a Saturday night, they raise the level of their relations," says Fisher. "You can not against a person, as an old shoe. Today it is easy to separate. It is easy for an adulterous. Women are more independent these days,and there is no shame in a divorce.
Relationships are fragile. Your marriage should retain a certain degree of regular massage to send it to your health. "